"Rolling Roadblock"

At long last!! :)

The land of "half-fast" drivers has been needing this one for a while - - -

 

(New Orleans, LA) -- A new state traffic statute in effect this week penalizes slow, inconsiderate drivers who block the passing lane. The "rolling roadblock" law provides a fine up to $175 and 30 days jail time for drivers on any highway where the speed limit is above 55 miles an hour. Any motorist going the same speed as traffic in normal traveling lanes can be pulled over and cited, although exceptions will be made during rush hour and other times of high road congestion.

 

Getting Burgers at the Drive-Thru

[Jan 2003]  [restaurant name omitted to exclude the irrelevant]

 

I pulled into the drive-thru to order some burgers.  A couple of dudes in a rusted-out-looking Monte Carlo were prodding my ass from behind, a little bit.  The lane structure was what you usually get:  one outside lane for free-flowing entrance and exit, and one inside lane for the drive-thru itself.  Complete with simon-says arrows, in case it is not obvious to you which direction of travel is acceptable.

Some patridiot in a van blindly reversed-out in front of me, stopping completely and trapping both lanes in the process.  As unabruptly as possible I braked to the necessary stop.  The too-close-for-comfort factor was not excruciating, but was obvious and palpable.  Apparently for patridiot to have left in the correct direction of travel would have somehow amounted to a minor public admission of aimlessness and stupidity.  And so patridiot ramped-up to major aimlessness and stupidity.  It resumed reverse and then lunged wrong-way down the free-flow lane, apparently expecting me to make some more room for it.  I just sat there.  There was room for patridiot to squeeze through, if patridiot was willing to display ability to think in public.  Which is what patridiot did.  Patridiot squeezed through; there was no fender-bender; it could be said that such idiocy happens every day, and is not a big deal.

Not a big deal.  Fine. 

I continued progress in the drive-thru lane.

Monte Carlo Boy [MCB] and his little helper pulled into the free-flow lane and then stopped next to the 4 dudes in the Truck In Front Of Me [TIFOM].  MCB got out and talked to them for a minute.  Some nods, then MCB got back in his MC and eased onward in the suggested direction of travel.

 

[can you see where this is going yet]

 

When TIFOM reached the pickup window, MCB slithered back into the picture and stopped up alongside.  I grabbed 2 pennies and got out of my truck and waited.  I leave it up to you to imagine what backup weaponry I carry in the truck itself….

yes, burger-bags passed from the pickup window through TIFOM’s driver-side window.  And yes, some of these burger-bags passed through TIFOM’s passenger-side window into MCB’s hands.  Annoying to behold, yes, but even more than that, fucking uncreative, maybe even anticreative, fucking boring, and stale, and tiresome…

Well, what do I know….maybe there never really were burgers in those burger-bags in the first place.  Maybe this was a coke deal for Chief George.  Or maybe MCB is TIFOM’s Official Burger Courier.  All I can say is what it looked like.  It looked like MCB had put himself first at my expense.

For various reasons, the author of this website does not take kindly to being put second by fucking idiots.  It has been said, in fact, that the author of this website reacts out of proportion when his sense of justice is violated.  Anyway,…

More yakkity-yak in front of me, more nods, and then MCB walked back towards MC, burger-bags in hand.  I threw both pennies at the shithead, and couldn’t have planned their trajectories better.  One pinged off of MC, and one landed at MCB’s feet.  Yeah that’s right motherfucker, I WANT you to know I’m jeering at you.  I WANT you to find out the hard way what other tricks I have up my sleeve.  Go ahead, MCB, do something about it.  Show me what caliber of warrior the average Burger Drive-Thru Cutsy Strategist is these days….Or be a chicken-shit, you know, I don’t really care,…get back into MC, drive off and admit that you are not a big deal,…..

 

Not a big deal.  Fine.

I got my burgers and left.

Seagate ‘n’ Sybase [November 2001]

How to get Sybase SQL Server to talk to Seagate ATAPI Tape Drives?…

 

“You’ll NEVER get that to work.”
-Seagate Tech Support Asshole [STSA]

 

…Well, STSA, you DON’T use the “Standard” QIC-157 Driver.

It doesn’t work.

You use the “legacy” Conner CNR-157 Driver.  Written by Conner, before they were “absorbed” by Seagate.

 

Seagate doesn’t know.  Sybase doesn’t know.  But I do.

 

ha hA Ha HA, STSA!!!!!

 

You were WRONG!!!!!

 

WRONG, WRONG, WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!!!!!!

 

The Paper-On-The-Roof Syndrome (last week of October 2000)

I stepped onto the balcony a few minutes before 6 am because the air was fresher and cooler outside than in (Wed Oct 25).  The Paper Chick pulled up and tried to throw the paper up to Dickvid's balcony next door and missed.  She picked up the same paper and threw it on the roof.  Only then did she seem to notice that I was out on the balcony taking all of this in.

She said "hi howya doin" (or something like that)....

I said "pretty good" (or something like that)....

She pointed to Dickvid's apartment, and said, "if you see your neighbor, tell your neighbor that I threw the Paper on the Roof"  (like that was good enough....I made no acknowledgment, verbal or nonverbal, that it was).

I went out on the roof and got the paper and threw it outside Dickvid's front door.

I noticed there is another paper on the roof above Dickvid's aparment.
I am going to grab it and put it on his doorstep, right now (2 am Friday Oct 27.  It is worth noting I closed on my new place in Denham Springs this morning.  And yes, I am tripping).  YepYepYep, it's the paper from Thursday October 26!

My First Time Being Ripped Off In Baton Rouge (jun 2000)

Someone broke into my truck (the doors were unlocked)
and stole:
my diskman
the one cd in my diskman (ironically enuf, it was Ratt's Invasion of yer Privacy)
my jumper cables
my sunglasses.

They left:
the rest of my CD's
my cough drops
my B Vitamins
my bottle of no-doz
my umbrella
my blue jean jacket
my Atlas.

Had this happened to me in Austin, I wouldn't have been surprised at all.  Once someone broke into my fucking empty car in Austin and actually took the time to steal nothing more than my fucking inspection sticker!...While I am genuinely surprised this would happen to me in Baton Rouge, it doesn't mean I didn't learn anything.  I lock my truck doors now.  And no, I have not often felt regret lately for erring on the side of trust.

US Govt attempt to break up Microsoft ("my monopoly's bigger than your monopoly")

granted, microsoft products are problematic; sometimes downright irritating to work with.  but "just because" is never a good enough reason to break up anyone's gig.

So what result do I hope for???  I really hope MICROSOFT breaks up the U.S. GOVERNMENT into 2 or 3 pieces!!!!!!!  THAT would be refreshing!!!  fuck authoritarianism; fuck coercion.

 

getting gas at circle-k one evening sept 99 (baton rouge)

i pulled up to the pumps and walked in the store and said "seven on pump (whatever pump number it was; i can't remember) and gave the clerk seven one dollar bills and the clerk took my money without a word and i said "thanks" and the clerk said nothing in return and i went back out to pump my gas.  i was the only one at the gas pumps during this particular tale of ridiculousness.  the pump wasn't on so i made sure that i wasn't missing a push-in button or a pull-up lever or anything like that.  still no gas.  i started completely over in case something had to reset, a couple of times actually, but still no gas.  me and the clerk made discernible eye contact and i thought that was that and tried again and still nothing.  i went back inside and said "it's still not working for me".  the clerk said she would turn it on and said something about how it starts automatically if you are paying by card.  i said i didn't give her that cash so i could pay by card and went back out to pump.

the gas did flow this time.  but after a few seconds she called me over the intercom (for the first time) and said i had to pay first.  i shouted that i had already paid her seven fucking dollars, and kept pumping till i reached the seven dollar mark (it did not slow down at 6.80 or 6.90 or anything like that) and stopped right on the 7.00 mark without going over.  by then a male clerk had come out and was approaching me and had brought along his mop and mop bucket rolling over the dirty, gravelly, oily concrete toward the gas pumps.  like that concrete really needed mopping.  like EVEN TRYING to mop that concrete would have been anything but a worse-than-useless idea since all that SHIT would have ruined the mop, if you really want to get hypervigilant overserious pugnacious-noperspective pygmy-brained.  the atmosphere was on the edge of confrontational and he raised his voice and asked why i hadn't paid and i said i had and was now sizing him up from just outside of kicking range and not even feeling afraid to go in; actually i was already royally pissed because something extremely shitty had happened to me the previous day.  seriously i knew there wasn't gonna be a fucking physical clash at the stupid-ass circle k gas pump but i also knew for god damn sure i wasn't going to get leeched out of seven dollars and knew for god damn sure i wasn't going to get fucked out of one god damn thing on an emotional level either.

he said she said i hadn't paid and i said she's wrong.  a couple of times.  he said she said she wanted to talk to me back inside the store.  i went back inside the store. there was one customer at the counter.

"WHAT!!!?!"

she said she wanted to talk to HIM.

"ARE WE DONE!?"

she didn't say anything.

"ARE WE DONE!!!!?"

she still didn't say shit.

"DEAL!!!!!!!  BYE!!!!!!!"

i walked out slamming the door open in front of me.  i didn't say shit to clerk boy.

i got into my god damn car and drove off.

boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out.  they keep the pearls inside and the pigs outside.

 -henry cloud

Time again to save us from the jackals.
    -Black Sabbath

Open your eyes,
Leave it all behind.
    -Van Halen

kill the leeches.
    -Saigon Kick

I GOT THE FIRE!!!!
    -Montrose

[The magic of life] is volatile.  It can evaporate in an instant if we use it frivolously or thoughtlessly.
    -Andrew Weil

 

“Brucia i tuoi dei e uccidi il re
Soggioga la tua sofferenza
Cuore morto in un mondo morto”

 

    << - - create the infinite .. join now!  :)

 

Thank you for visiting my ridiculous website.  Have a Leechless Day!

    -John Moroney

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